The SOW is perfect for every child’s special needs because…

Repentance …

There’s a topic that I would like your opinion on. It’s legalism. There are so many different takes on the subject and I know that God looks at our hearts. We already have four of our older children that have chosen to not to follow God because they say they believe in God, [...]]]> Hello Sister Merle:

There’s a topic that I would like your opinion on. It’s legalism. There are so many different takes on the subject and I know that God looks at our hearts. We already have four of our older children that have chosen to not to follow God because they say they believe in God, but don’t want anything to do with organized religion. They say too many rules (no coffee, no painting of nails, no makeup, no dancing, no jewelry, etc.). I don’t agree with every “do and don’t rules” my husband tells our younger girls, but I see that even two of our younger daughters are starting to resist him. It seems that as time goes by, he gets stricter and stricter (we’ll be married 10 yrs in Dec.). I know he wants to love the Lord with his life and ours, but at times, I’m starting to feel that I’m also not free to love the Lord with all of my heart like I used to and I’m starting to resent the rules he continues to set as times goes by. I believe we need to reach our children’s hearts for the Lord and not just a list of do’s and don’ts. I want to honor my husband, but when we talk about how I feel, he Christianizes things he can’t actually back up with the Word. I’ve been praying and seeking the Lord for a while on this issue. I haven’t spoken to anyone about it because everyone knows him in our town and I don’t have a mature, Titus 2 woman I can trust. I trust that you can give me Godly counsel. 

Dear sister in Christ,

I have struggled with topic of legalism and Christianity, as well, in our lives, home, homeschooling community, churches, etc. I believe this is the number one reason children rebel, They either can not or do not see the difference between legalism and righteous living. They are seduced by Satan and the world through media. And the inability to stand firm in the faith alone is extremely difficult past the age of 12. Also by this age, they are being tested in their faith and you have fallen from your pedestal. They have seen the contrast of what you say and what you do. Like David and Absalom (the son who thought he could do it better than his father and king) our children may do the same. It is during these years that more talking and praying and teaching and example living on once we are saved…how to walk in the Spirit, truth, and love continuously is critical.

We have been called legalist. My children have called us legalist. I have cried night and day not to be a legalist.

When I think of the word legalist…I am thinking of a Pharisee… the ones who knew the laws of God but used it for impure motives and gain and forced others to follow in rules that were extra Biblical.

I have confessed whenever I believe I have done something for wrong motives. God looks at the heart…and the Word says our hearts are desperately wicked. I know I am forgiven and I move forward looking ahead not in the past. Satan wants to immobilize me with guilt and shame but God redeems, restores, renews, and rebuilds. If I say I have never done something with wrong motives…God’s Word says I am a liar. I am to confess it and He will forgive me and cleanse me of all unrighteousness.

I have come to see that every person (adult) is responsible for their own walk with God. I might be convicted to not watch a certain tv show, to wear pants, to wear a veil or not to wear one, etc. for “Whatever is not of faith is sin.” But  I do not base my walk with God on another man or woman’s walk with God nor should they base theirs on mine but by the Word of God. I am free to give my testimony of what God has shown me through the Word of God, but the other person may not be ready to receive it. It is God’s job to convict the heart of sin and righteousness,

There were times in my Christian walk that I was convicted by someone’s testimony on how I should live as a Christian and other times not. After examining the word or testimony or walk, I rejected it or accepted it according to these standards…is it sin or not sin according to God’s Word,  is it profitable for the kingdom, is it loving the other person,

In talking to a sister in Christ, who says she does not judge on works whether saved or not but contrary she and the others in her denomination determine everyone’s salvation by what they do… I told her that if she was walking in some Christian circles she would be a brazen woman…she wears pants, no veil, etc.  She did not get the point I was trying to make.

Those who are more mature in Christ might look more like Christ but How can any Christian especially our youth and baby Christians walk a Jesus’ perfect walk 24 hrs..a day…no one can. These are  branded as non -Christian because they do not believe a Christian can walk in the flesh and carnal and then repent. It’s a constant cycle of being saved or the final horrible realization that most come to is that Christianity does not work and God is not real. But in truth we will not get our glorified sinless bodies till we die.

I told my children to have mercy on us as parents…that when the Scriptures tell us to be modest, we as parents have to fall somewhere ,.. ours was right above the knee. When the Scriptures tell us to wear a veil and long hair …our household determined that the Scriptures were not clear and that long hair was seen as the veil…how long the hair was to be…it seemed to say that it should be different and longer than a boys cut and longer than theirs….their father determined these things in our home… and the church encouraged each father to make these decisions that were not clear for their own homes respecting one another’s decision.

Even with much discussion in every area of Christian walk, it was hard for my children, family, friends to understand when we were different.  They wanted to fit in, not be different. Some were angry.

Another discussion with teenage girls was when they wanted to wear black nail polish…I remember explaining that God made the color black too and that the reason we did not want them to wear black was because they were going to be judged and identified by others as rebellious and evil. “DO not have the appearance of evil.” But then there was Hudson Taylor who against his mission authorities wore Chinese clothes and hair style to win the Chinese for Christ. I told my grown children this…if they came to me and said Mom I want to grow my hair long because I want to be different and set apart for Christ like Samson and to reach this certain people group for Christ, I would have to release him. Would I have to battle with fear and doubt yes? But I would have to release him to God to do this and be in prayer honoring his decision as long as it was not sin.

I remember when we decided not to celebrate Christmas with Santa Claus. Our children were very obedient before they were teens but not matter how hard we tried for peers not to be important or influential, they still wanted to fit in.

The children that seemed to fair the best were those who were not influenced by internet, youth groups, bad movie or music, husband and wife were in prayer and agreement, frequent discussions  why not doing this and doing this. The rule or boundary doesn’t have to be in the Bible but it has to have a Biblical reason for why you are doing or not doing such and such like modesty ( what will  that look like in your family), don’t demand your standards to be in other familiess or persons (except your children), tell them one day they are going to have to make decisions that please the Lord (What will that look like for dress, music, friends, tv, etc.). I believe legalism is when we demand others Christianity look like ours not giving time for growth and for God to work in their lives.

Expecting my children’s Christianity to look like mine when it took 30 years for God to “transform” my thinking to the Word of God, is unjust and not humility nor love. A hug and kiss, when we mess up and sorry, is sufficient most of the time.  The final ruling is this…”love covers all the law…and a multitude of sins”. Ask yourself often and in each circumstance…Does this show love for God and my neighbor?

As parents and teachers of our children, it is our job to be in control for the good of the child and student. The principal and teachers should be undivided in their goals and rules for their school such as what they will dress, what they will listen to,  what the student will learn, what books to use, how they will talk, not chew gum in class, raise your hand to speak, when to eat, even when to go to the bathroom. In our homes we should be the same.

As the student got older, it was important to let him make decisions on his own for most things… giving consequences of good and bad choices. For instance, I gave them a weekly task chart for them to complete, they could choose when to do it and I would check to see that it was done correctly at the end of the day, then week. One of mine would get up at 6am and finish at noon and have the rest of the day to do what they wanted. Another one took all day to do the tasks required. I also gave them cornerstones to reach. When you are 15, you can do this???? At 16 this????at 18 this??? In other words, just like an adult, they would be treated differently than a child. The whole house respected them as growing adults and looked forward to the time they would get that age. Being under parents thumb was not going to be forever. By the time they are ready to leave the house, the student is like a butterfly in a cocoon, it is tight, uncomfortable and they are ready to be set free…too soon or too late the butterfly will die.

So what am I saying… “Children obey your parents.” Adult children honor your parents.” To me that meant all my children had the right to make an appeal, what is wrong for one child maybe alright for another child… for instance one of my children had a little weight problem, I had to cut the meal in half for that child. It was hard for him and for us. He also had special accountability for a season regarding what he ate, exercise, etc. Also the whole household did a Biblical health class at home and with another family.

My mom told me this and now I tell it to my grown children, “You no longer have to obey me, but you do have to honor me…this means I have the right to give you advice, but you have the right not to take any of it.”

We asked our children to obey us till they were 20 years old…this is when men went to war, were censored and judged. The government age of accountability is 17 or 18 depending on what state. By that age you can not control or force them to do anything. Of course until they leave your home, which is what you should be preparing them to do, you have a responsibility and right to control what happens in your home.

BTW… the reason your husband  or we as parents are probably getting stricter is because of fear of losing the children. We each will respond out of fear differently…more control, anger, what I called in me “beserk” fear (hysterical whipping), etc.  BTW, I am not saying more control is not the answer, it could be for a certain child, specific season in life, or particular circumstance. But Fear is not of God.  It is a sin that needs to be recognized and repented of. “Love casts out all fear.” This is when the parent (s) have to press in for prayer,  persevere “not grow weary in doing good”, ask God for wisdom, dig into the Word for Biblical truths, and get Godly counsel from others. I remember there were times I was asking everyone I knew how were they handling this situation and that. I am not saying this is the right thing to do…but I was desperate.

Again, I would…

• Encourage your children to learn how to make an appeal and let them practice doing it. See Bible book Philemon to teach this.
• Find Biblical truths to live by, write them down, live them out, and teach it to your children such as “walk in the Spirit and you will carry out the things of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is…”
• Make rules and boundaries with consequences …talk to your children about them often …making sure they know the Biblical reason behind the rule… Is this sin, profitable, or a love decision?… and then lovingly and consistently give consequence of obedience and disobedience.
• Practice “sowing and reaping” principle in the home…reward and discipline (training and teaching righteousness) and rebuke.
• Pray over, with, and for your children often, together, alone, aloud, and silently.
• Parents should be unified in decision making in front of children. “House divided can not stand.”
• Set milestones (adult privileges) in their lives…setting own schedule, driving, staying up later, use of the tv or computer, shaving, friends over, specific classes like art, band, sports. speech, etc.
• Talk about what legalism is and what it is not…Control in the home or classroom is a good thing for a season of training and teaching on righteous living and order for the good of the team and the individual. Talk about the difference between Christian and Pharisee living…do a study on the Pharisees and what Jesus taught as truth and not truth.

Praying this prayer for you and for all SOWers…

A Teacher’s Prayer

Lord, who am I to teach the way to little children day by day, so prone myself to go astray?

I teach them knowledge, but I know how faint they flicker and low the candle of my knowledge glow.

I teach them power to will and do but only now to learn anew, my own great weakness through and

through. I teach them love for all mankind and all God’s creatures, but I find my love comes lagging far behind.

Lord, if their guide I still must be, O let the little children see the teacher leaning hard on thee.”

Author Unknown

Jesus always judged the motive of the heart rebuking the pharisees for being “white washed tombs”. God looked at David’s heart not the outside.

Though discipleship will include change in character, from that of carnal to Spiritual, a relationship with God by faith in Jesus Christ in which we must [...]]]> The condition of the heart is everything!

Jesus always judged the motive of the heart rebuking the pharisees for being “white washed tombs”. God looked at David’s heart not the outside.

Though discipleship will include change in character, from that of carnal to Spiritual, a relationship with God by faith in Jesus Christ in which we must continuously walk/live by faith in His Word in the Spirit is the key to the Christian life.

Every household I know has had to wrestle with a prodigal heart … it is difficult to watch and go through … so “Do not become weary in doing good for in due time you shall reap what you SOW.” “Pray without ceasing.” “Ask God for wisdom.” “Put on the whole armor of God for we do not fight against flesh and blood.” “Submit to God and resist the devil.”  ”Do everything to stand firm.”

Those who have prodigal teens in the home… think this way…your donkey is in the ditch, someone you love is drowning….radically rally around this person “in love, Spirit and truth” to do everything to save! You wouldn’t be just reacting normal if someone was in a car wreck dying right in front of you… the difficult part is to also at the same time rest, trust that God will do His job!  This is why Jesus wept when He saw Jerusalem, why He worked day and night, why he spoke hard truths, why He risked rejection, why He went against the public and religious opinions and authorities, why in 3 short years…he spoke, taught, healed, did miracles and why He died on the cross!

Good news…He rose from the dead and final victory is His over sin, death, pain, sickness, etc.!

This is what I have personally learned…

• Pray, pray, pray, and pray for mercy, wisdom, perseverance, agape love, etc. aloud over them, silently with spouse, and alone in your prayer closet/corner.
• Agape love…this may mean tough love, the kind that requires us to do what is right, good, and best for our child no matter what.
• Make sure they are not getting wrong message of what Christianity is and isn’t….Faith in Jesus Christ’s works, teachings, etc.-a requirement; works through and for Jesus Christ are the product of a Spirit led life.
• Tell them often they are loved by you and God… no matter what and always will.
• “Sowing and reaping” a principle all creation lives by….practice this in your home, lives.
• Get rid of or extreme monitor any potential bad influences… music, computer, cell phone, friends, tv, books, internet, etc.
• Men/women discipleship group for 13 and up alternating every other week to build strong “older men and younger men in the Lord” relationships, prayer, study of the Word, Apologetics, serving/ministry, etc.
• Read/ watch book or movie of inspirational people past and present…Drew Brees, Ben Carson, etc.
• Purposeful strength training activities once a week with family and friends that require team work and fellowship… kick ball, soccer, swim, hiking, camping, etc.
• Serve/minister to others at least one hour a week…tutoring younger children, nursing home visits, cleaning home or yard for sick/elderly, babysit, bring a meal, Food bank, Red Cross, other.
• Exercise daily… skate, walk, bicycle, etc.
• Family Devotions…discuss Scriptural relevance for today, worship, prayer, share SOW work, read short bio (100 Women/Men of the Faith)
• Weekly Co-op…fellowship, shared learning, culmination of what learned, guest speakers (career, motivational, subject, etc.), learn speech skills, art, music, sports, other.
• Worship with song and instrument
• Like the universe…make your home a God centered home not child centered.
• Needs a companion and example to show the way in everything… the parents are it!
• Do not let them get bored, purposeless, etc; get them involved in something good and purposeful….work for a car & license or new shoes, etc.; join 4-H for photography, caring for animals, etc.; swim, soccer, or other team; go to work with Dad,  serve others, etc.
• Teach Apologetics…God exists, the Bible is God inspired, who does Jesus claim to be, compare Christianity to other beliefs, etc.
• Eat good foods…fruits, vegetables, water, grains, fats… sweets rarely suggesting just once a week.
• Give them a no time daily or weekly check /task list for them to do on their own and immediate follow up with praise and loving comments or corrections.
• Parents pray about everything, make goals and plan together, do not be divided…”A house divided will not stand.”, God centered home…  “House founded on the Rock will not fall.”
• Sit down and listen, speak, listen, listen, listen, speak, etc.  lovingly, nonjudgmentally, with knowledge and understanding and truth…ask lots of questions and give Biblical answers, give your personal testimony and journey of faith through out life, choices good or bad you made about … God, relationships, opposite sex, future, etc., …
• Don’t assume his doubts will go away without answers… Good resources for Apologetics… http://www.answersingenesis.org/

Caution…Even after doing all or any of these suggestions, each person still has to make the decision to “choose life not death, blessing not cursing, good not evil.”

Reminder…Jesus who was perfect lost one!

Found this great testimony of a mother of a prodigal son for 20 years… http://www.allaboutheart.org/

This woman’s son attributes his fall to a lack of  answers to why should He believe,  ”Apologetic…answers and defending the faith” from parents and the church when he needed it most and attributes his faith based journey back to God to his mother’s faithful prayers, her faith based life, and a patient, praying wife, plus good solid teaching of Apologetics at his church. These same questions answered in his all about the journey blog …. http://www.allaboutthejourney.org/

My prayer is that we lose none of our children!

Praying fervently for wisdom, peace, joy, love, kindness, goodness, perseverance, and self control!

May God Bless,

Merle Reece

Call or email so I can pray for you, your family,…mercy, wisdom, perseverance, agape love, etc.!

PS… This prayer has helped me during my most difficult times…

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

History should be taught…

-purposefully, … the goal to know God, the method discipleship, and the Bible as the main text.

-chronologically, … from creation till now.

-Biblically, … seeing God’s sovereign acts and Divine traits in everything and man’s conflicts, choices, and consequences.

-thoroughly,  … the key people & [...]]]> History is all about God’s sovereignty from creation till today…HIS-STORY!

History should be taught…

-purposefully, … the goal to know God, the method discipleship, and the Bible as the main text.

-chronologically, … from creation till now.

-Biblically, … seeing God’s sovereign acts and Divine traits in everything and man’s conflicts, choices, and consequences.

-thoroughly,  … the key people & events, quotes & literature, science & inventions, arts & music, government, geography, economics,  wars & battles, Bible & Church history,  natural resources, architect,  culture, etc.

-easily,… using maps, timelines, literature & quote analysis, charts & graphs, art surveys & projects, experiments, biographies, reports, Biblical/world view questions, projects, field trips, culture study,  speech critique, etc.

-factually, … having good sources of information such as internet, encyclopedias, documents, library, movies, documentaries, books, texts, etc.

-practically, … learning knowledge, gaining understanding, applying wisdom to every day life.

-skillfully, … recalling, indentifying, sequencing, comprehension, reading, writing, speech, & critical thinking skills.

-interesting, … doing fun hands on activities, projects, exhibits, etc. to experience each time period.

The SOW incorporates all these aspects into teaching history utilizing the Bible, SOW student skill level worksheets, a yearly scope & sequence, teacher & student texts, and accredited resources for K-12th.

What is great about SOW is that you can make your own scope & sequence …mix & match any subject, any schedule, any resources, etc. to meet your specific family needs.

SOW has a basic 6 year [...]]]> SOW I needs to be purchased before or with SOW II-VI. It contains the base for all the SOW volumes.

What is great about SOW is that you can make your own scope & sequence …mix & match any subject, any schedule, any resources, etc. to meet your specific family needs.

SOW has a basic 6 year scope & sequence that you can use again for 6 more years which equals K-12th.

For a student with only 1 or 2 years left, I recommend making a 1 or 2 year SOW scope & sequence using the 6 years of SOW scope & sequences.

For 1 year…Choose and do all 29 NT books of the Bible. For 2 years…choose the OT books.

You can do any specific books for a specific number of weeks anytime you want such as Genesis because it introduces …creation, marriage, family, sin, murder, blood sacrifice, covenant, forgiveness, etc.

Use correlating lessons for subjects such as creative writing, Bible, literature, etc..

English & Spelling are various skills learned each week.

Choose the science & history that student needs to finish.

After making a year scope & sequence, you should create a weekly schedule for him to follow.

Make sure he has resources to complete each lesson such as Bible, atlas, etc.  Many are free on the internet or free library. These resources recommended but may be substituted.

*Purchase from SOW…TE & SE SOW I-VI, SOW Resource CD, and the new 9th-12th grade skill level worksheets.

Please go to our new SOW blog for more articles on implementing the SOW… http://sowcurriculum.com/blog/?p=422

Sample of  1 week of a 1 yr SOW scope & sequence for HS student using new SOW 9th-12th grade skill level wkshts…

Sample weekly schedule for HS student with 1 year, using the new SOW 9th-12th grade skill level worksheets…